Not Sure How I Should Feel About This?

[tartansailor]

Two elderly gentlemen chip in to buy a 30' which is a piece of @#$%.
Their slip is in a canal with a serious current which makes it challenging to dock,
consequently they invited me to crew, not that I'm an expert by any means.
So I do it because that's being of service to someone in need, giving something back to the sport
and they're good all around guys until recently when things turned ugly.

First thing that happened is we snagged a fish trap long after I warned the helmsman to alter course!
Which he did not do. So instead of letting me work it out he cut the line. I didn't like that at all. Am I wrong?

So now the wind picks up, we're under head sail alone and heading for a rocky inlet
when the engine won't start. I alone have Tow Boat US insurance, so let me call? No!

One guy is working on the engine, the other is squabbling, and criticizing my steering, when the real problem
is not helping the guy trying to figure out what's wrong with the engine.
Well, we get the engine started and dock successfully.
I don't want to go out with these guys anymore.
Am I being overly sensitive, or should I let it roll of my back and continue to help these gents in need?
Dick

[steveg]

Well, that is a bit of a tricky position. You did not say what your relationship is with the two gentlemen. Sailing is supposed to be fun, except of course when it is more like work.

I think you are right about the crab pot. If you could untangle it in a few minutes and get free without any damage, that would be the proper course. If there was no other alternative, then cut it free.

From the description you provided it did not sound as if your "service" was really appreciated. If your effort was not appreciated and not all that pleasant for you why not let them get a bit of experience first on their own. One of the great things about boat ownership is that the only true qualification you need is a big enough wallet to pay for the boat and whatever comes after. Somehow whenever I screw up and it costs me money it is a teaching moment. Isn't there a saying about experience being the best teacher. It would seem that if you had a close relationship with either of them a bit more effort may be in order, otherwise maybe let them get some experience on their own. In the future if they ask for help, talk about the specific issue they are experiencing and try to help with just that. On the other hand in a couple of days you may feel differently, if not go sailing on your own boat. We do it because we enjoy it, when it stops being pleasant it could be time to reconsider your involvement.

Good luck.

[Russell]

Sailing with people like that isnt fun. It certainly sound like they were not appreciative of your help. I wouldnt go out with them again if it was me. I like to help people as well and go out of my way to do so, but if the person I am helping criticizes my help, the help stops.

[Steve Laume]

Unless you are Mother Teresa or one of those guys is your father in law, I would let them suffer on their own.

I will help out all sorts of people but if someone asked for my help and then disregarded all that I had to offer and was critical of my suggestions or abilities, I would think they didn't want or need my help and I would leave them alone.

If I didn't think it was fun or that I was appreciated, I certainly wouldn't keep doing it, Steve.

[swhfire21]

Don't make direct eye contact ever again. Just sail on by.

[jneely]

I would tend to give them another try. While fun, sailing can be stressful which can lead to some regrettable behavior. But before I went out with these geezers again I would spell out my concerns as diplomatically as possible. Point out that you are the one with experience so they should be following your advice. And while it is OK to disagree with each other it is not OK to be mean to each other. Point out also that this adventure should be fun for you too and that their behavior on the first trip did not make for a good experience. They are big boys and should be able to take some constructive criticism. If they don't shape up it's time to say, Adios."

[Ken Cave]

PASS by all means!! You are looking for trouble BIG TIME with their lawyer in tow!! And, if that happens, it is two to
one in trying to defend yourself!!

There are some real characters out there, and it sounds like these two are part of that group.

Many years ago, my wife and I were pulling off a fuel dock, and somehow she lost her footing and fell into the water.
A "gentleman" started yelling (not helping of course!) that I hit his beautiful Bayliner, and he was going to sue.
Luckily there were at least five good folks around that pulled my wife out of the water and took on the gentleman
in the Bayliner as there was at least five feet between our boats.

Don't look for trouble!!

Ken Cave

[pjust]

I don't think I'd care to sail again with someone who'd cut the fish trap line. That's someone's livelihood he's messing with. (Also if it were lobster pot in Maine, the owner would find you and he would slash your tires.)

[Steve Laume]

I want to clarify my first response which I would still adhere to.

If you are a guest on someone else's boat, you can offer suggestions and should certainly do so if asked. If the captain chooses not to follow those suggestions or advise you should defer to his wishes weather his judgment is good or bad. Life threatening situations might alter this thinking.

This is one of the reasons I tend to sail alone, Steve.

[SV Tatyana]

Was this the CD 30 for sale on the Bohemia river in MD by any chance?

Richard

[Neil Gordon]

I want to clarify my first response which I would still adhere to.

If you are a guest on someone else's boat, you can offer suggestions and should certainly do so if asked. If the captain chooses not to follow those suggestions or advise you should defer to his wishes weather his judgment is good or bad. Life threatening situations might alter this thinking.

This is one of the reasons I tend to sail alone, Steve.

Steve's right. The captain is legally responsible for both the vessel and the passengers/crew. So while you might offer suggestions, the captain has complete authority. Not to overstate, but that essentially means that your life is in his hands. I don't sail with someone who is less than competent on the one hand and doesn't listen to practical advice on the other.

[tartansailor]

Was this the CD 30 for sale on the Bohemia river in MD by any chance?

Richard

No it was not a Cape Dory. It had a small fin keel with a narrow rectangular rudder,
so trying to effect lying a hull in a blow and chop was difficult for me, being use to sailing
a serious heavy cruiser, albeit 25'. The cabin was enormous, so wind shear was a factor.
Walking on the deck was like walking on a trampoline.
Dick

[tartansailor]

Thank You All.
I sincerely appreciate each and every response. My heart is with jneely, but you're right,
It's time to move on; just sorry I hauled by boat too soon.
Dick

[SV Tatyana]

Dick,
I believe I saw your boat in the lewes canal earlier this summer. Really great looking boat! I just purchased a 25d in MD and will be bringing it down the river to lewes shortly.

Richard

[tartansailor]

Hi Richard,
Let me know if you need any help getting it here.
three zero two-- six eight four--five two seven seven.
Yes, I had a slip in Lewes.
Dick