Cape Dory Dating Service mysteriously goes off line

Discussions about Cape Dory, Intrepid and Robinhood sailboats and how we use them. Got questions? Have answers? Provide them here.

Moderator: Jim Walsh

John Phillips

My apologies to those who were offended

Post by John Phillips »

Wow, talk about wishing I had not kicked that sleeping dog! I apologize to you Walt for creating all of the consternation. As you notice, I didn't even mentioned the poor, innocent, tasteful chain letter that disappeared, oops, maybe I shouldn't have told. No really, I don't care one hoot about the dating service message, I skip over alot of messages that don't pertain to me (ie happily married and can't afford divorse) but I am real happy when you take the inititive to remove chain letters and mean spirited letters. You are doing the work, it's your call. Now, let's all take a deep breath and relax. But just for fun, take out this weeks mating page and compare the women's inquiries to the men's. "Quiet conversation" vs. "Enjoys football and a can of beer." "Good wine and food." vs "Enjoys football and a can of beer." "Looking for a tall, attractive gentleman that is financially secure." vs "Looking for a long legged woman in a short short skirt (thank you Jimmy)" It must be that mars and venus thing.
Please, accept my apology and if you are lucky enough to be in a warm climate, go sailing. John
One moment it is there. Someone searching for a captain. I hesitate and wonder: "How important is '5'10" or better'? How critical is "humorous"? How secure is "financially secure"? But most importantly, does she have a Cape Dory that is better than my little Typhoon? Oh well, it is way to difficult, but I check the board again to see how many of the regulars are responding and, aw shucks, it's been flushed. Back to bottom blisters, leaking gaskets and searches for typhoon trailers. John
Well, maybe I was too hasty. "Captain Wanted for First Mate" seemed a bit off topic to me. Besides, what if "she" was a husky pirate that would make a date to meet for coffee, lay a marlinspike behind your ear, and run off with your boat?

What say you, group? Catherine? Are "Cape Dory Captain Wanted" ads acceptable for this board? Shall we invite First Mate to repost?

- Walt


broakmar@alltel.net
Linda

Re: Cape Dory Dating Service mysteriously goes off line

Post by Linda »

Well, as another sailor/single female (CD owner, as well), I would like to add my 2 cents. I really like reading stuff on this board because it educates me and gives me a chance to communicate with others intested in, and passionate about CD's. I have been extremly impressed with the wealth of knowledge found here and tune in just about daily. I personally do not think of this board as a place to try to find a date. I didn't think that was the purpose of this board, so I am not in favor of posting such messages, tasteful or otherwise. Now, Louise, I can introduce you to another site....



CD26LA@aol.com
Greg Kozlowski

Agree completely. Let's keep it focused on CDs

Post by Greg Kozlowski »

If a person wants to go for a sail on a CD to check these boats out, or simply loves the way they go, that's fine - maybe someone is looking for crew. Who knows, they may even hit it off. But let's not
get into this " tall and slim looking for a caring, honest and good looking" crap.

I never much liked such personals, worded like some Christmas wish list, and I like them much less here.

Ugly but hard working looking for a broke CD owner in need of love and free labour - now, that should probably remain.

Greg



koz@seijo.ac.jp
Michael Abramson

Re: Cape Dory Dating Service mysteriously goes off line

Post by Michael Abramson »

I'm one of those single sailors who, like Louise, would like to meet
other sailing singles. I'm really surprised that anyone would object
to singles occasionally using this board to get in touch with each
other. I find it hard enough to find single sailors who want to
take an active part in sailing (as opposed to just going for a ride),
much less someone who is also a CD enthusiast. The common ground
here is an appreciation of CD yachts, so I don't see why we would
turn away anyone who shares this interest. It won't open a "flood
of lonely hearts" as some posts imply. One only has to scroll down
the board to see this is primarily a "boy's club" already, which is
really a shame since sailing is as gender neutral as any avocation
can be. I think Louise is to be commended for joining this forum
and for showing the self-confidence to initiate something new that
may be beneficial to some CD sailors. Those who are not interested
in these posts can skip over them. Any dialog between interested
parties will be direct and not on this board. All Louise has done
is to show up at our "clubhouse" and say this is where she is com-
fortable looking for a partner. Do we really want to close the door?

Michael Abramson
CD Intrepid 9M "Peace"
Wormley Creek
Yorktown, Va.





John
Since most of you are "working" (interesting term) in the dark, I thought that maybe you should read the tastefully and well written post which was flushed or snatched speedily as you say. How can you judge someone, a nice lady, who would like to meet a single Captain who might be interested in a boating friend or partner for future boating/sailing. Is that off-topic? So for your benefit and hopefully others who are curious of what happened and why your webmaster flushed my post, here it is. Now you be the judge if so needed. Remember, we are no longer in the year 1800.

I would like to meet a GENTLEMAN CAPTAIN, 5'10" or taller as I am a tall and slender lady. He must love boating/sailing (although having sailed for over 20 years, I am now hooked on power versus sail). I would like him to be active, enjoy spontaneous getaways,
discovering all the beautiful beaches, new anchorages, different marinas, dingying around :), maybe hiking trails, all the interests attached to boating. Honesty and sincerity are first in my life. I would like to meet someone with a great sense of humor who will make
me laugh as I am happy and want to stay happy. One who is warm and very passionate, who is considerate and will not judge and, at the same time carries little emotional baggage, who is intellectually, emotionally and financially secure. Physical attraction and good chemistry are very important. I would like him to be able to listen with his head and his heart. Being an outgoing person, I do enjoy entertaining friends occasionally and I would like him to enjoy having friends over a nice dinner or BBQ and eat good food, drink good wines. Again, you must be sincere and honest, healthy in body and mind. I am
looking forward to hearing from you. From a potential First Mate
Walt, since most of us never saw the post you snatched away so speedily, we're all working in the dark. However, what if it had been posted by a man? A man simply seeking a sail on a Cape Dory, so he could make up his mind about what boat to buy. Would you have banned that? I doubt it. But from the sound of things, the disappearing post was couched in language that indicated an interest in rather more than the boat itself. In that case, I believe you did the right thing. If the lady simply wants a test ride on a Cape Dory, invite her simply to say so--without any stipulations about the potential captain's looks, likes, bank balance, or marital status. That, as you say, is off-topic.




mabramson@widomaker.com
Louise

Re: Cape Dory Dating Service mysteriously goes off line

Post by Louise »

Dear Michael

Thank you for your support.

As you know, I posted a tastefully and well written message on the BBS after it was suggested to me by a CD owner that it could be a good place to meet other boaters/sailers.

Now I feel like I stepped in a red ant nest. Since then I have been literally insulted and humiliated openly by some of the CCDO members suggesting as much as I could be a pirate or as John Nuttall suggested, I was solliciting. I guess small minds think alike. I was merely looking for someone who had the same interests as I did.

I have received several private emails of support from a few members/friends of the CCDO who feel like you. Thank you.

Because I enjoy boating/sailing, I felt it was the place to meet other singles who enjoy the same. I am a mature professional single woman who would like to meet people with the same passion.

Yes, I did show up at the clubhouse but because I wasn't interested in leaking gaskets and bottom blisters, the door was slammed in my face. It is also very disturbing to see that the CCDO webmaster has the right to flush postings as he wishes before his membership can comment.

If this is an exclusive club, I would kindly suggest to the CDDO to change some of the wording/advertising so not to mislead boaters/sailers outside this exclusive organization and that it is only members and owners of CD that can participate and make sure that no one else is welcome.

Again thank you for being a liberal minded person.

Sincerely

Louise

yachtingmate@hotmail.com
I'm one of those single sailors who, like Louise, would like to meet
other sailing singles. I'm really surprised that anyone would object to singles occasionally using this board to get in touch with each other. I find it hard enough to find single sailors who want to
take an active part in sailing (as opposed to just going for a ride), much less someone who is also a CD enthusiast. The common ground
here is an appreciation of CD yachts, so I don't see why we would
turn away anyone who shares this interest. It won't open a "flood
of lonely hearts" as some posts imply. One only has to scroll down
the board to see this is primarily a "boy's club" already, which is
really a shame since sailing is as gender neutral as any avocation
can be. I think Louise is to be commended for joining this forum
and for showing the self-confidence to initiate something new that
may be beneficial to some CD sailors. Those who are not interested
in these posts can skip over them. Any dialog between interested
parties will be direct and not on this board. All Louise has done
is to show up at our "clubhouse" and say this is where she is com-
fortable looking for a partner. Do we really want to close the door?

Michael Abramson
CD Intrepid 9M "Peace"
Wormley Creek
Yorktown, Va.




John
Since most of you are "working" (interesting term) in the dark, I thought that maybe you should read the tastefully and well written post which was flushed or snatched speedily as you say. How can you judge someone, a nice lady, who would like to meet a single Captain who might be interested in a boating friend or partner for future boating/sailing. Is that off-topic? So for your benefit and hopefully others who are curious of what happened and why your webmaster flushed my post, here it is. Now you be the judge if so needed. Remember, we are no longer in the year 1800.

I would like to meet a GENTLEMAN CAPTAIN, 5'10" or taller as I am a tall and slender lady. He must love boating/sailing (although having sailed for over 20 years, I am now hooked on power versus sail). I would like him to be active, enjoy spontaneous getaways,
discovering all the beautiful beaches, new anchorages, different marinas, dingying around :), maybe hiking trails, all the interests attached to boating. Honesty and sincerity are first in my life. I would like to meet someone with a great sense of humor who will make
me laugh as I am happy and want to stay happy. One who is warm and very passionate, who is considerate and will not judge and, at the same time carries little emotional baggage, who is intellectually, emotionally and financially secure. Physical attraction and good chemistry are very important. I would like him to be able to listen with his head and his heart. Being an outgoing person, I do enjoy entertaining friends occasionally and I would like him to enjoy having friends over a nice dinner or BBQ and eat good food, drink good wines. Again, you must be sincere and honest, healthy in body and mind. I am
looking forward to hearing from you. From a potential First Mate
Walt, since most of us never saw the post you snatched away so speedily, we're all working in the dark. However, what if it had been posted by a man? A man simply seeking a sail on a Cape Dory, so he could make up his mind about what boat to buy. Would you have banned that? I doubt it. But from the sound of things, the disappearing post was couched in language that indicated an interest in rather more than the boat itself. In that case, I believe you did the right thing. If the lady simply wants a test ride on a Cape Dory, invite her simply to say so--without any stipulations about the potential captain's looks, likes, bank balance, or marital status. That, as you say, is off-topic.




yachtingmate@hotmail.com
John MacArthur

Re: Cape Dory Dating Service mysteriously goes off line

Post by John MacArthur »


What say you, group? Catherine? Are "Cape Dory Captain Wanted" ads acceptable for this board? Shall we invite First Mate to repost?

- Walt
My $.02: I say this type of posting, done tastefully, does no harm, possibly great good for some of our list. I am incredibly lucky to have a wife who loves to sail, but know many people who don't have that luxury. Why can't we try this for a while, and see if it doesn't just add to the list, instead of, as some think, trash it. Obviously these postings would not be archived, but deleted like "for sale" postings, after a period of time.



jmac@laplaza.org
Leo A. MacDonald CD30K

Re: Cape Dory Dating Service mysteriously goes off line

Post by Leo A. MacDonald CD30K »

Walt,
1) You provide the service we all get to use and enjoy, so its your call period.
2) This BB is titled "Cape Dory Information Exchange". I own and am fond of CDs, that’s why I follow this board.
3) There has to be around a ga-zillion BBs for finding dates etc. and that’s great. That's their purpose.
4) I would vote to keep it in the current format.
Thank you
Leo MacDonald CD30K #57 Heather Ann
Russell

Louise, Linda, the world's only sailor personals BB awaits y

Post by Russell »

Personally, I'm happy to see ads in all the boating BB I frequent. But it seems the wrong solution to distribute one's search to CW BB, Cape Dory BB, Hunterowners, Planet Cat, and all the other boating bulletin boards, or limit one's search to the boating BBs one knows about. If the egroups list I created yesterday gets some use, I will go to the webmasters on all these boating bulletin boards and solicit permanent links to it.

Click below, and submit your ad or post! Don't worry: it should stay around as use builds ..
Walt Bilofsky

Re: Cape Dory Dating Service mysteriously goes off line

Post by Walt Bilofsky »

If this is an exclusive club, I would kindly suggest to the CDDO to change some of the wording/advertising so not to mislead boaters/sailers outside this exclusive organization and that it is only members and owners of CD that can participate and make sure that no one else is welcome.
At the top of the message page it says, in large type, "This bulletin board is provided as a service to all Cape Dory owners by the California Cape Dory Owners Association. We welcome everyone's questions, answers and comments about Cape Dory sailboats and motor yachts." In other words, everyone is welcome but the topic is Cape Dorys. This does not seem misleading to me, but suggestions for improvement are always welcome.

In general, posts that are not Cape Dory specific are off-topic. I delete not just chain letters and make money fast posts, but also posts from suppliers that are not Cape Dory specific and inquiries about boats that have nothing to do with Cape Dorys. On average I delete a couple of posts a month.

Your original post had just a little to do with boating, and nothing at all relating to Cape Dory boats. That is why it was removed. Even a mention of Cape Dorys would not necessarily have qualified it, any more than we allow, for example, ads from sailmakers who offer sails for all boats but mention Cape Dorys in their post.



bilofsky@toolworks.com
Walt Bilofsky (Webmaster)

Singles Posts and This Board

Post by Walt Bilofsky (Webmaster) »

Okay, everyone, thanks for all the input. My decision is that specific "Want to meet" posts are off-topic for this board.

The original post that sparked this discussion was clearly not Cape Dory related, and I want to avoid the mistake of using it to issue a blanket rule against mentioning being single or wanting to meet someone. We welcome bona fide Cape Dory related "Seeking Crew" or "Want to Crew" posts, and there's nothing wrong with mentioning a preference for single sailors of a particular sex. I will exercise my judgment as to whether a post is clearly Cape Dory related, and delete those that are pure singles ads or that mention Cape Dorys only to justify their posting. This is what I would do with any post with little or no Cape Dory content that seeks to exploit this message board.

I reached this decision after considering all the comments. (Those who commented ran 10 to 6 against singles posts. Kind of a consensus, but not overwhelming. Also, many of those opposed to dating posts are unmarried, so it's not a case of us versus them.)

I am heartily in favor of people looking for mates with a shared interest, and, having married late in life, greatly sympathize with those who find themselves alone this season, as the days grow shorter and the boats are hauled. Since a sizable minority of the comments expressed concern for support of single boaters, I will stretch a point and put some links in to boater dating sites, such as Russell's <a href="http://www.egroups.com/group/sail-mates">Egroups board</a> (if it takes off) or other sites people tell me about.

However, while there are plenty of sites on the Internet for singles seeking same, this board is for "questions, answers and comments about Cape Dory sailboats and motor yachts," as it says in large letters right at the top of the message board. Dating posts do not fit that category. There is also a fine line between contributing to the give and take on the board, and exploiting it for one's own purposes, and IMO a pure dating post crosses that line (as would a pure "sails for sale" post, or a chain letter).

Several posters, particularly <a href="http://www.toolworks.com/cgi-bin/tw/wwb ... 0">Michael Abramson</a>, eloquently presented the case for singles posts. Michael, you argued that finding someone who is also a CD enthusiast is difficult and this board should be available for that. Perhaps if Louise's post had mentioned anything about Cape Dorys, I might have had a different reaction to it. But it struck me as something that might have been posted here and in any number of other sailing discussion groups, and sailing was not a big part of the post.

"Seeking Crew" or "Want to Crew" posts do support Cape Dory boats and are very much on topic. We've had a number of those on this board. One could mention one's marital status in such a post, as long as it's clearly a crew post and not a thinly disguised singles ad. <a href="http://www.toolworks.com/cgi-bin/tw/wwb ... 3535">John Vigor's comment</a> drew a reasonable line IMO, but I would go a bit further and say that if someone is a sincere Cape Dory enthusiast and posts a message that they want to go sailing with someone of a particular sex, I would not have a problem with that, as long as it was basically a Cape Dory post and a let's go sailing post, but not "I want someone tall with a great sense of humor who will barbecue, hike, eat and drink - oh, yeah, and go sailing too."

The <a href="http://www.toolworks.com/capedory/regis ... egistry</a> is another place where a CD owner could indicate being single and wanting to meet other single sailors - hopefully, in not any more words than that. IMO a full-blown singles ad would not be in good taste there either.

Louise's posts in this thread have been on the topic of what is acceptable content for this board. Since she posted the <a href="http://www.toolworks.com/cgi-bin/tw/wwb ... 3536">full text of her original message</a> (for the third time) in the context of that discussion, it is an acceptable post and it stays. If you want to reply to her, please give an old Webmaster a break and do it by email. :-)

John Phillips, no <a href="http://www.toolworks.com/cgi-bin/tw/wwb ... apology</a> needed; I'm glad you sparked this discussion. I try to keep the board responsive to what the group wants, and it's good (and fun) to hash questions out when they arise.

Hope you all agree I've given enough thought to this. Louise, best of luck to you and I hope you find what you're looking for. The rest of you, get back to those blisters and gaskets. :-)

Best wishes to all,

Walt Bilofsky
Webmaster, CCDO



bilofsky@toolworks.com
John Nuttall

Accusations, Solicitations & Hurt Feelings

Post by John Nuttall »

Louise,

You need ro re-read my post. It was rather IN YOUR FAVOR. The "solicitations" I referred to are the ones Walt deletes: ads for non CD specific stuff. I was not suggesting anything about the motivations behind your post.

If you re-read my post you'll see I even suggested allowing "tastefully" (non-vulgar) crafted posts be allowed. I went on to further suggest a page on our site that would allow Captains & crew to post notices for each other - for weekend sails or lifetime voyages. My main point being that subject needs to be off this discussion board.

Why? If you had been following this board for a while you'd know that all of us use it as a means to help each other solve our boating problems. Many of us who follow a particular thread will log on and click on the most "recent posts" button. This takes us to the latest addition to the thread of interest. If as someone has already pointed out, 29 out of 30 posts are about what is really at this time an off board matter, IT"S ANNOYING!!!

Walt, nobody gets hurt when we Dorians disagree on the finer points of Cetol vs Varnish. But this personal stuff really stirs up the emotions. You are wise to take the position you do!!! Me, I am going to ( as we say in the South) JUMP ANOTHER RABBIT, cause I've shot at this one too long..........

Louise, you sound like a nice lady, sorry you mis-interpreted my post. Considering all the flack you're getting that's understandable. If you are ever in NC and want to go day sailing with my family (which includes two screaming kids)just e-mail me and we'll go sailing. You bring your PFD, and we'll supply the wine !!!

John Nuttall



nuttallj@msn.com
capt pete

Re: Cape Dory Dating Service mysteriously goes off line

Post by capt pete »

Lets be careful here, thats all I say

Dear Michael


Thank you for your support.

As you know, I posted a tastefully and well written message on the BBS after it was suggested to me by a CD owner that it could be a good place to meet other boaters/sailers.

Now I feel like I stepped in a red ant nest. Since then I have been literally insulted and humiliated openly by some of the CCDO members suggesting as much as I could be a pirate or as John Nuttall suggested, I was solliciting. I guess small minds think alike. I was merely looking for someone who had the same interests as I did.

I have received several private emails of support from a few members/friends of the CCDO who feel like you. Thank you.

Because I enjoy boating/sailing, I felt it was the place to meet other singles who enjoy the same. I am a mature professional single woman who would like to meet people with the same passion.

Yes, I did show up at the clubhouse but because I wasn't interested in leaking gaskets and bottom blisters, the door was slammed in my face. It is also very disturbing to see that the CCDO webmaster has the right to flush postings as he wishes before his membership can comment.

If this is an exclusive club, I would kindly suggest to the CDDO to change some of the wording/advertising so not to mislead boaters/sailers outside this exclusive organization and that it is only members and owners of CD that can participate and make sure that no one else is welcome.

Again thank you for being a liberal minded person.

Sincerely

Louise

yachtingmate@hotmail.com
I'm one of those single sailors who, like Louise, would like to meet
other sailing singles. I'm really surprised that anyone would object to singles occasionally using this board to get in touch with each other. I find it hard enough to find single sailors who want to
take an active part in sailing (as opposed to just going for a ride), much less someone who is also a CD enthusiast. The common ground
here is an appreciation of CD yachts, so I don't see why we would
turn away anyone who shares this interest. It won't open a "flood
of lonely hearts" as some posts imply. One only has to scroll down
the board to see this is primarily a "boy's club" already, which is
really a shame since sailing is as gender neutral as any avocation
can be. I think Louise is to be commended for joining this forum
and for showing the self-confidence to initiate something new that
may be beneficial to some CD sailors. Those who are not interested
in these posts can skip over them. Any dialog between interested
parties will be direct and not on this board. All Louise has done
is to show up at our "clubhouse" and say this is where she is com-
fortable looking for a partner. Do we really want to close the door?

Michael Abramson
CD Intrepid 9M "Peace"
Wormley Creek
Yorktown, Va.


John
Since most of you are "working" (interesting term) in the dark, I thought that maybe you should read the tastefully and well written post which was flushed or snatched speedily as you say. How can you judge someone, a nice lady, who would like to meet a single Captain who might be interested in a boating friend or partner for future boating/sailing. Is that off-topic? So for your benefit and hopefully others who are curious of what happened and why your webmaster flushed my post, here it is. Now you be the judge if so needed. Remember, we are no longer in the year 1800.

I would like to meet a GENTLEMAN CAPTAIN, 5'10" or taller as I am a tall and slender lady. He must love boating/sailing (although having sailed for over 20 years, I am now hooked on power versus sail). I would like him to be active, enjoy spontaneous getaways,
discovering all the beautiful beaches, new anchorages, different marinas, dingying around :), maybe hiking trails, all the interests attached to boating. Honesty and sincerity are first in my life. I would like to meet someone with a great sense of humor who will make
me laugh as I am happy and want to stay happy. One who is warm and very passionate, who is considerate and will not judge and, at the same time carries little emotional baggage, who is intellectually, emotionally and financially secure. Physical attraction and good chemistry are very important. I would like him to be able to listen with his head and his heart. Being an outgoing person, I do enjoy entertaining friends occasionally and I would like him to enjoy having friends over a nice dinner or BBQ and eat good food, drink good wines. Again, you must be sincere and honest, healthy in body and mind. I am
looking forward to hearing from you. From a potential First Mate
Catherine Monaghan

Re: Cape Dory Dating Service mysteriously goes off line

Post by Catherine Monaghan »

Walt,

I agree with you, the CCDOA message board isn't the appropriate venue for "singles" or "personals" ads but the thread it started certainly is interesting.


catherine_monaghan@merck.com
CD32 Realization, #3
Rahway, NJ
Raritan Bay
One moment it is there. Someone searching for a captain. I hesitate and wonder: "How important is '5'10" or better'? How critical is "humorous"? How secure is "financially secure"? But most importantly, does she have a Cape Dory that is better than my little Typhoon? Oh well, it is way to difficult, but I check the board again to see how many of the regulars are responding and, aw shucks, it's been flushed. Back to bottom blisters, leaking gaskets and searches for typhoon trailers. John
Well, maybe I was too hasty. "Captain Wanted for First Mate" seemed a bit off topic to me. Besides, what if "she" was a husky pirate that would make a date to meet for coffee, lay a marlinspike behind your ear, and run off with your boat?

What say you, group? Catherine? Are "Cape Dory Captain Wanted" ads acceptable for this board? Shall we invite First Mate to repost?

- Walt


catherine_monaghan@merck.com
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